Nature, Nurture, and Why We Should First Connect the Disconnect

By Dr. Judy Rosenberg *Clinical Psychologist | Director, Psychological Healing Center* *Creator of the Be The Cause® Mind Map*

> “Genetics loads the gun; environment pulls the trigger.” > — Dr. Judith Stern

What if an ADHD brain isn’t only asking us to pay attention to the brain—but also to the human connection surrounding it?

Nature versus nurture. It is one of psychology’s forever debates.

When it comes to ADHD, genetics clearly matter. ADHD is understood as a neurodevelopmental condition with a substantial hereditary component. But after decades of sitting across from people in my private practice, I continue to be fascinated by another part of the equation:

What happens to our ability to think, focus, and regulate ourselves when human connection is disrupted?

I call these disruptions psychological disconnects.

And before we look at someone’s difficulty concentrating as only a problem occurring inside that person’s brain, I believe we should ask another question:

What is happening between this person and the human beings around them?

What the Freud Is Going On?

I remember working with a young woman who appeared to be suffering from ADHD.

One day, I conducted a very simple, informal clinical experiment with her.

First, I sat across from her and asked how her day was going. I looked directly into her eyes with genuine interest. I listened. I was present and attuned.

Without saying the words, my attention communicated:

I see you. I hear you. You matter.

Then I asked her a simple math problem:

What is 9 × 7?

“63,” she answered quickly.

Then I changed something.

I asked her another question, but this time I looked away. I glanced at my phone. I acted distracted and disconnected, as though what she was telling me wasn’t particularly important.

Then I gave her an even easier problem:

What is 9 × 5?

She looked at me, confused.

What changed?

Certainly not her intelligence.

This was an informal clinical observation, not a controlled scientific experiment, and it does not establish what caused her attentional difficulty.

But something fascinating appeared to happen:

When the human connection changed, her access to her thinking appeared to change with it.

As I like to say:

What the Freud is going on?

Genetics Loads the Gun. Environment Pulls the Trigger.

The memorable statement commonly attributed to Dr. Judith Stern—“Genetics loads the gun; environment pulls the trigger”—offers us an interesting way to think about the old nature-versus-nurture debate.

ADHD has strong genetic and neurobiological components. We should not reduce it to bad parenting, childhood wounds, insufficient attention, or human disconnect.

But human beings don’t develop in a biological vacuum.

We develop inside relationships.

Our developing nervous systems encounter attention and distraction, safety and stress, tenderness and rejection, predictability and chaos, mirroring and neglect.

We experience connection and disconnect.

This does not mean that an environmental experience simply switches an “ADHD gene” on or off. The interaction between genes, brain development, environment, and behavior is far more complex.

But perhaps nature versus nurture is asking the wrong question.

Perhaps the more interesting question is:

How does nature interact with nurture?

Encode → Decode → Recode

In my Be The Cause® Mind Map, I describe childhood as a profound period of encoding.

We soak in both nature and nurture.

We inherit our parents’ genetic material while simultaneously experiencing their psychological world—their attention, anxiety, tenderness, anger, responsiveness, wounds, presence, and absence.

We are encoded.

That encoding influences the way we experience ourselves, other people, and the world around us.

In my Mind Map model, wounds can contribute to chaos. Chaos gives rise to defenses. And defenses that once protected us can eventually contribute to breakdowns in relationships, emotional regulation, and functioning.

Healing begins when we become conscious of what was encoded.

We decode.

• What happened to me?
• What did I conclude about myself?
• What did I learn about other people?
• What did my nervous system learn to expect?

Then we have an opportunity to recode.

Encode. Decode. Recode.

This isn’t about blaming parents.

Our parents were encoded by their parents, who were encoded by theirs.

It is about understanding—and ultimately interrupting—the transmission of human disconnect.

From Big I to little i

Attachment theory, pioneered by psychiatrist John Bowlby, helped psychology understand something fundamental about human development:

Babies require responsive human relationships.

A developing child needs more than food, clothing, and shelter. Human beings develop through interaction—eye contact, touch, facial expression, responsiveness, mirroring, and attunement.

I call the child’s full-potential self the Big I.

The Big I represents the self that has the opportunity to emerge when a child receives sufficient psychological nourishment and connection.

But what happens when that developmental process becomes overshadowed by wounds?

Neglect. Verbal abuse. Physical abuse. Sexual abuse. Smothering. Chronic misattunement. Narcissistic parenting. Emotional absence.

These human disconnects can cast shadows over the developing self.

Instead of freely developing toward the Big I, the child may increasingly organize around fear, protection, adaptation, and survival.

I call this wounded and diminished experience of self the little i.

And the little i may become vulnerable, defensive, hypervigilant, and hungry for the very thing that was insufficiently available:

Connection.

Is It ADHD—or Something That Looks Like ADHD?

This is where ADHD particularly challenges and fascinates me.

We have to distinguish ADHD itself from symptoms that can resemble or intensify it.

Stress, anxiety, trauma, depression, sleep problems, and other conditions can interfere with concentration, memory, emotional regulation, and executive functioning.

A person can also have ADHD and psychological wounds simultaneously.

That distinction matters.

My question is therefore not:

“Does childhood disconnect cause ADHD?”

We don’t have evidence to make such a sweeping conclusion.

My question is:

How does human disconnect affect attention, emotional regulation, and access to thought—especially in someone who may already possess a neurodevelopmental vulnerability?

Think again about the young woman sitting across from me.

When I looked at my phone and withdrew my attention, perhaps part of her psychological system suddenly had another problem to process:

• Where did you go?
• Are you still with me?
• Do you see me?
• Do I matter?
• Am I safe in this connection?

If psychological resources are being recruited to monitor disconnect, what happens to the resources available for concentration?

That is a question I believe deserves considerably more investigation.

Before We Treat the Symptom, Look for the Disconnect

When someone is having difficulty concentrating, I believe we should resist immediately reducing the person to a symptom.

Instead, ask:

Is there a disconnect that needs to be connected?

• Look at the quality of attention surrounding that person.
• Look at attunement.
• Look at mirroring.
• Look at emotional safety.
• Look at stress.
• Look at human connection.

What happens to this person’s thinking when they feel genuinely seen and heard?

And what happens when they feel ignored, dismissed, overwhelmed, or psychologically disconnected?

This does not mean rejecting appropriate medical evaluation or treatment.

ADHD is a recognized neurodevelopmental disorder. Proper assessment matters. When medical treatment is indicated, medical and psychological approaches can work in conjunction.

But medication cannot substitute for human connection. And human connection should not be overlooked simply because medication is available.

So alongside asking:

“How do we treat the symptoms?”

I want us to ask:

“What is happening to the person?”

• What was encoded?
• What needs to be decoded?
• What needs connection?
• And what can now be recoded?

Connect the Disconnect

We cannot choose the DNA with which we begin.

But we can influence the quality of human connection occurring right now.

• Look at the person in front of you.
• Put down the phone.
• Make eye contact.
• Listen.
• Mirror.
• Attune.
• Become curious.
• Take a genuine empathic interest in another human being.

If old psychological encoding is interfering with present-day functioning, identify it.

Decode it.

Reconnect what has become disconnected.

And then begin to recode healthier ways of relating, regulating, and thinking.

Genes matter. Brains matter. Environment matters. Psychology matters.

And human connection matters.

Perhaps nature versus nurture has always presented us with a false choice.

We are biological beings developing inside psychological environments.

We are encoded through both.

And although we cannot choose the DNA with which we began, we can become conscious of our psychological encoding and create different experiences moving forward.

Encode. Decode. Recode.

First, connect the disconnect.

*Decode Your Past… Recode Your Future.®*

*Be The Cause® of Better Outcomes for Your Life.*

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Want to Go Deeper?

Join Dr. Judy Rosenberg on Dr. Judy WTF (What the Freud?), where Dr. Judy explores childhood wounds, psychological encoding, narcissistic abuse, relationships, and the human disconnects that can shape how we think, feel, and relate.

Dr. Judy Rosenberg Clinical Psychologist Director, Psychological Healing Center Creator of the Be The Cause® Mind Map

Learn more about healing human disconnect: Psychological Healing Center

Explore Dr. Judy's work on narcissistic wounds: Healing Narcissistic Wounds

Watch Dr. Judy WTF (What the Freud?): Dr. Judy WTF on YouTube