Realizing that you have been abused by a narcissist is hard enough. Building a sense of self after the fact can be even harder. Although it is an uphill climb, the hike is worth what is at the top of the mountain. Finally looking at the world through your own lens and living life on your own terms will be the greatest reward. This article will shed light on some steps you can take to begin your journey. 

According to the article, “Healing From Identity Loss After Narcissistic Abuse” by Kim Saeed, “healing from identity loss is possible and absolutely necessary to liberate your inner child from the narcissist once and for all.” Here are the steps she recommends for building your identity:

  • “Surround yourself with supportive people. Go back to the people the narcissist forced you to push away – they’ll understand. Most will validate your experience and you can absorb their positive personality traits in a healthy way.
  • Do something the narcissist always said you couldn’t. Maybe this is a hobby, career, or something you’ve always wanted to experience. Do something just because your inner child wants out. The narcissist has held you back for so long. It’s time to live on your own terms. Just make sure not to act out of spite.
  • Move slowly. At first, you may have a hard time communicating with other people and making decisions for yourself. It’s okay to not know everything about yourself yet. This is all part of healing from identity loss. If you move too fast, you might end up in another toxic situation or turning to unhealthy coping tools.
  • Set boundaries and stand your ground. There are plenty of narcissists and other abusive people out there. It’s important to know where your boundaries lie and stick to them. Where will you draw the line between a healthy relationship and loss of self-identity? What about discerning between constructive advice and abusive criticism?
  • Ban, block, and cut them out. A narcissist will use any opportunity to keep you in their web. “No contact” isn’t easy – especially since the narcissist forces you into a state of dependence – but it’s the only surefire way out of the abuse for good.”

From a Mind Map Perspective

When a child is raised by a narcissistic parent, their sense of self never truly develops to begin with. Since they go about life without an identity of their own, they are bound to fall into chaos and breakdowns. In order to paradigm shift into individuality, here are the steps Dr. Judy Rosenberg recommends: 

  1. Recognize the cause: As a child, the narcissistic parent did not give you enough psychological ingredients for normal development. It is not your fault because you did not get the chance to develop a healthy sense of self. Introspect on your past experiences and realize what happened to you.
  2. Empty out the bad that was put into you: Because of your childhood wounds, you developed negative core beliefs that your worth was defined by someone else. You lived to please them. No more. You must deconstruct those beliefs and recode healthy core beliefs. You are worthy no matter what. You make your own happiness. Your life is your own. We have to heal the wounds first and empty out the old encodings before we can recode our lives.
  3. Be diligent in your boundaries: Make sure that whoever and whatever you let into your life is evolving you, not devolving you. This includes friends, relationships, jobs, lifestyle, and even your diet. Encode these healthy habits so you can create the best possible environment for yourself.