As opposed to covert narcissists, overt narcissists are easy to pick out of a crowd. They are up front with their self centeredness, often bragging, publicly putting others down, and flashing their connections and material wealth. It can be hard to understand why these people act the way they do, but is important to remember that the persona that they show the world is a result of multigenerational pain. 

Development of a Narcissist 

According to Brian D. Johnson Ph.D. and Laurie Berdahl M.D.’s article, “Childhood Roots of Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” abnormal development of empathy during childhood can lead to the formation of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In order to build a secure sense of self and healthy concern for others, “Children need to develop healthy, lasting levels of self-esteem” and “must gradually gain both the ability to see other people’s viewpoints and empathy for other people’s suffering.” When children do not get the chance to build their self esteem and empathy for others, they can overcompensate by needing constant ego boosts from others and having no empathy for other people. 

Narcissists “filter information and react on the basis of the effect on their egos. Their actions reflect grandiose beliefs of superiority and uniqueness as well as their need for admiration and worship.” For example, “they exploit or take advantage of people for personal gain…, pit people against each other to get what they want…, manipulate others by influencing emotions, [redefine] reality by repeatedly fabricating fiction and arguing about it as if it were fact which leads listeners to question their own understanding of reality.” Narcissists will do whatever they have to do and hurt whoever they have to hurt in order to maintain their overblown egos. The two doctors give warning signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder developing in teenagers:

• “Persistent bullying behaviors such as making fun of, threatening, degrading, or scapegoating people (including parents and other adults)
• Persistent need to win no matter who is hurt
• Persistent lying to benefit oneself (will lie about lying, turn lies into someone else’s fault, deflect accountability by attacking messengers who point out lies)
• Egotistical view of extraordinary self-worth
• Preoccupation with getting own needs met over other people’s
• Entitled attitudes which lead to acting as if they deserve special treatment and to get whatever they want, no matter the circumstances
• Aggressive responses to being criticized, wronged, or upset
• Repetitively blaming others for bad outcomes
• And being much more competitive than cooperative.”

Narcissistic Rage

Narcissistic rage is a key aspect of narcissism that can be so damaging to those who come in contact with narcissists. In “What is Narcissistic Rage” from thenarcissisticlife.com, they explain that “‘Narcissistic rage’ is a term coined by Heinz Kohut… it occurs when the narcissist perceives he is being personally ‘attacked’ by someone else.” Narcissists aim their anger at whoever undermines the narcissist’s carefully crafted ego. Their attacks can be emotionally, or even physically, damaging. According to the article, there are two types of narcissistic rage: explosive or passive aggressive. They are characterized by either “explosive, volatile outbursts which may be verbal, physical, or both” or “withdrawal into a sulky, silent treatment as the means to punish the offender.” Here are some causes of narcissistic rage:

• 1. “Challenge to their Confidence: When challenged, the narcissists’ brittle egos are unable to accept the idea that they were wrong or seen as imperfect. They turn this into a personal attack and respond with rage toward that person to regain their sense of superiority.
• 2. Injury to Self-Esteem: When a narcissist’s shortcomings are pointed out by someone, they feel an overwhelming sense of shame. The rage is executed to seek revenge upon the accuser. The need for revenge results in explosive rage and does not die down until the narcissist feels the person was dealt appropriate punishment.
• 3. False Sense of Self: Underlying this false sense of self are feelings that he is not loveable for who he is or what he offers in relationships. When a lover or partner begins to feel doubts about the narcissist, that is when the narcissistic rage surfaces.”

From A Mind Map Perspective

Narcissism is a system-gone-wrong. It all starts with a parent-infant disconnection. The parent-infant connection is supposed to be the foundation of a child’s sense of self, but sometimes the parent is unable to mirror and attune to the child. When a child is born, they must look to their parents for a sense of self. The child also may be reacting to abuse, neglect, or smothering. These childhood wounds shadow over the core sense of self and arrest the development of  the “Big I,” and by extension, empathy for other people. As a result, the child suffers from feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, depression. The child never encodes a healthy sense of self and feelings of empathy. 

In response to these painful feelings, the child adopts defense mechanisms to fill the missing healthy psychological ingredients. The classic narcissistic defense is to puff up and make themselves look as if they’re worth a lot because they are afraid that others will find out that they are not. When someone has been treated apathetically, there is a high risk of them not having empathy. They use other people to feed their egos. When people do not stroke their ego, they lash out, but if people do stroke their ego, they put themselves higher on the pedestal. It all cycles, feeding a terrible system. The constant need for praise is the narcissists’ attempt  to fill the Hole in the Soul from childhood. Think about it this way: when you are injured over and over again, you develop a calloused heart