Authenticity and following your intuition are closely intertwined.
Authenticity refers to being true to oneself, embracing one’s values, beliefs, and individuality. It involves expressing your genuine thoughts, emotions, and actions rather than conforming to societal expectations or trying to be someone you’re not. When you’re authentic, you are in alignment with your core identity and experience a sense of congruence and fulfilment.
Following your intuition, on the other hand, involves tapping into your inner wisdom and guidance to make decisions or take actions. Intuition is a deep, instinctive knowing that often arises without logical reasoning or external evidence. It can provide valuable insights, help you navigate uncertainties, and guide you towards choices that resonate with your deepest desires and values.
The connection between authenticity and intuition lies in the fact that both arise from within you. When you embrace authenticity, you create a space for your intuition to flourish. By being true to yourself, you develop a stronger connection with your inner self, which allows your intuition to be more accessible and reliable.
If we are not connected to our own intuition then we are vulnerable. We are vulnerable mostly because we are prone to seeking connection to ourselves through other people instead of going within! Thus we seek out someone else to be our intuition and this is the catalyst for the narcissist to enter! The narcissist, whether male or female, feeds off of this vulnerability by fostering a parasitic type relationship.
When you are authentic, you are not so vulnerable! Authenticity is a deep self-trust, and it creates the perfect environment for following your intuition. When you live authentically, you cultivate a sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. This self-trust enables you to listen to your intuition and make decisions based on your inner knowing, even when they may go against external expectations or seem unconventional.
The narcissist is the epitome of inauthenticity. He/she is empty, a hollow shell, that is hidden behind a mask of a ‘personality’ which is really only a make shift gathering of different admirable traits observed in other people and presented as ‘this is me’, but it is not!
One can often become aware of this when meeting a narcissist. It is as if something is not quite true or right in their presentation, as if something is a bit off or not deeply genuine, and that is because it is not! They are putting on a show and it is an attractive one because they are often so charming. Ultimately though, the mask slips at some point and the true core rage and vulnerability is given momentary exposure.
In relationship with a narcissist we can tend to start out being authentic and tuned in to our intuition, but over time, we find ourselves actually choosing to disconnect from our intuition in order to keep the feelings and dream alive. Narcissists create an addiction in us for them and so, as with any addiction, we are lured in and caught up in getting our next fix of ‘love’ or ‘idealisation’. The addiction takes us over and renders our intuition an annoyance/something that we wish were not there! We also begin to adapt ourselves to the other person, to be what we think they will like, in order to maintain the addiction. This requires that we abandon ourselves and become less and less authentic over time and more and more like them!
In childhood, when raised by a narcissistic parent, we are groomed to disconnect from our authentic selves from the start because your authentic self is useless to the parent unless they deem some aspect of it to be valuable. The parent will punish you if you begin to show signs of independence and expressing yourself genuinely. This is a sign of disrespect to them and they will shame you for your authentic self and make you believe that it is the enemy and your most shameful self!
Thus we can say that the narcissist, whether parent or partner, aims to ensnare others for supply by cutting them off from their authentic selves and most especially by getting them to hand over their intuition! Their aim is to become the voice within you that guides your decisions, it is a total takeover of your independence in other words.
Moreover, authenticity and intuition work together to guide you towards choices that align with your values and purpose. In a narcissistic relationship this authentic purpose is cast aside in lieu of serving the narcissist who becomes your purpose and sole focus in life! In exchange for your authenticity and ignoring your intuition, you receive periods of being love-bombed followed by ever increasing rejection. These times of discard are crucial in getting you to reject your authentic self and to believe that you should never just be yourself, or trust your instincts because it will mean rejection and punishment.
Your intuition will never be completely silenced though. It will provide subtle cues and nudges daily, that lead you towards experiences, relationships, and opportunities that resonate with your authentic self. It may only be a still small voice but it is there nonetheless and by following it bravely, you can make decisions that are more authentic to who you are and what you truly desire, enhancing your overall sense of fulfilment and well-being. You will ultimately come to the point where you will see things clearly and decide to let your intuition guide you out of servitude and towards being truly valued by those closest to you.
In summary, authenticity and following your intuition go hand in hand. Authenticity creates the space for your intuition to emerge and flourish, while intuition helps you make choices that are authentic and in alignment with your core self. By embracing both, you can live a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
Bowlby, J. (1988) A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development, New York, Basic Books. Bretherton, I.
Kernberg, O.F. (2004) Borderline conditions and pathological narcissism. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.
Rosenberg, J. (2015) Be the cause: Healing human disconnect. United States: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
Christiana is a qualified psychotherapist in London, England. She has a particular interest in the effects of Narcissistic Parenting, Attachment and Co-dependency.