We all have unhealthy narcissistic traits and the reason that they are unhealthy is that they cause disconnection from others. But where do these ways of relating to the world, to others and ourselves come from?
In Panel 1 of the Mind Map we are reminded that we all start out as pure light! We enter the world like a sponge, ready to take in all around us and to discover who we are in the eyes of our parents.
However, all of us, at some point are wounded and take on a distorted negative self-image/reflection as a result. This negative core belief about who we are, what other people are like and how to survive in the world is what determines the rest of our lives…if we don’t address it.
In Panel 3 we discover exactly what negative core belief has been operating behind the scenes and from there on, there is a greater clarity of the blueprint that was internalised in your particular family system.
If we don’t do this inner journey, many will go on to become like their parents and perpetuate the toxic multigenerational system through a lack of self-reflection, empathy and correction (narcissism).
We are all able, even if we have lost all trust/compassion for others and self, to pinpoint those unhelpful traits in ourselves that result in isolation and rejection from others and ultimately from ourselves.
The question to ask is, when and how do I seek to dim others light?
On the other hand, it is also important to discern who in my life wants to see me shine?
We must all play the best game of life with what we have been given, even if that resulted in a high level of narcissism. Our aim must be to be the cause of a new way of being that is for the betterment of the entire human race as opposed to trying to get what we can from it.
Feelings of jealousy and envy are normal, and when we are able to recognise them, there is the opportunity to address the underlying cause. If we allow them to run the show however, and to direct our thoughts and actions, destruction is the legacy we leave.
We must ask, ‘How can I do a better job with my life’?
It is time to look in the mirror and be willing to look at the ways you are causing disconnect and how you learned to disconnect.
If you are feeling like you are in a WTF situation (feeling stuck in some area) ask yourself why am I stuck here? What is the behaviour causing this?
When you notice a behaviour that you don’t like in yourself, mentally circle it and then begin to ask what can I do to fix it? This is self-reflection and choosing to live an ethical life, regardless of the impact of your wounds of childhood.
Rosenberg, J. (2015) Be the cause: Healing human disconnect. United States: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
Christiana is a qualified psychotherapist in London, England. She has a particular interest in the effects of Narcissistic Parenting, Attachment and Co-dependency.