Childhood sexual abuse by a blood relation is a widespread phenomenon that has lasting negative psychological and physical effects in victims. A meta-analysis by Stoltenborgh et.al (2011) suggested that globally, childhood sexual abuse occurred in 11.8% of the population with girls being almost twice as vulnerable.
Further research data also highlighted the fact almost 2 thirds of those who took part never reported the abuse.
In very simple terms, this translates to 1 in every 5 girls and 1 in every 20 boys approximately.
The impact of such a boundary violation in childhood is not to be underestimated.
Firstly, it sets up a pattern of being exploited in relationships and a blue print for attracting, and being attracted to, predator types.
As we know, children idealise their parents and consciously seek to keep them on a pedestal. The child continues to idealise their abuser in order to maintain their own emotional/psychological/physical safety and most often learn to repress the discomfort/shame/confusion that results from being violated and used.
The brain may even shut off recall of these memories completely in order to maintain some sense of safety for the child. However, as many will know, the body most certainly keeps the score, as Bessel Van Der Kolk reminds us.
Bodily symptoms/illnesses and CPTSD are the likely catalysts for victims to begin searching for the root cause of their ills.
Secondly, alongside the drive to idealise the parent, there is also a denial that sets in.
Victims may find themselves more empathic towards the abuser than towards themselves. They often seek to understand and make sense of the act by seeing things from their abusers point of view and justify it as a result of the abusers own wounds.
In other words, victims are groomed in childhood to allow others to act badly and without accountability because it is easier and safer to do so.
However, it must also be remembered that children just do not have the words to express how they are feeling and nor do they have the information about what a loving parent is and so they are not able to make judgement.
But even if the child were to try to express the abuse, there is a very real danger that the family may not validate them or that the family will fall apart as a result. This keeps victims in silence, sometimes forever.
Another common characteristic of narcissistic families is that there is a tendency to ‘ignore the obvious’. For example: A mother may facilitate time between daughter and father at night time despite knowing that the father is sexually unsafe even for her.
She chooses to ignore it and may actively promote the relationship by saying things like ‘go and give Daddy a hug’. When this happens, despite feeling ‘icky’ the child is taught to ignore their own internal bodily cues in order to please others and to protect them at all costs. It creates a cognitive dissonance not only with the abusive act but also with the family as a whole.
Furthermore, childhood sexual abuse causes a disconnect from one’s body and sets up a lifetime of continued disconnect. Children learn to use their bodies as a tool to get ‘love’ and so there is often huge emphasis on maintaining the body as desirable, coupled with a deep core of shame for doing so. Some victims may struggle with weight gain as a means of protection while others become bulimic or anorexic. The drama plays out in the body especially.
In the Mind Map system, childhood sexual abuse is a Panel 1 core wound. As we trace the impact of this we see how it causes an initial reaction (way of coping) in Panel 2, followed by an internalised belief about oneself (Panel 3) usually along the lines of ‘I am here to be used’. Panel 4 tracks the very real chaos that results in ones adult life which gives rise to various defence mechanisms in Panel 5 in order to keep from connecting to repressed feelings. Panel 6 is the watershed and a chance for connection with the abused inner child. Finally this child has an adult speaking up for them and that adult is you! This paves the way for deep healing and release from the lies of the past and a growing desire to move on and set healthy boundaries.
Childhood sexual abuse is perhaps the most damaging of all abuses but there is great hope for healing.The Mind Map is a powerful means of doing just this.
References:
Adams, K.M. (2011) Silently seduced: When parents make their children partners. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc.
Freud, S. (1949) Three essays on the theory of Sexuality. London: Imago Pub. Co.
Kolk, B.van der (2014) The body keeps the score brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Viking.
Pusch, S.A., Ross, T. and Fontao, M.I. (2021) “The environment of intrafamilial offenders – A systematic review of dynamics in incestuous families,” Sexual Offending: Theory, Research, and Prevention, 16. Available at: https://doi.org/10.5964/sotrap.5461.
Rosenberg, J. (2015) Be the cause: Healing human disconnect. United States: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
Christiana is a qualified psychotherapist in London, England. She has a particular interest in the effects of Narcissistic Parenting, Attachment and Co-dependency.