Your negative core beliefs will be having a significant impact on your relationships.
What is a negative core belief? They are beliefs about yourself that are deeply ingrained and often formed in early childhood based on our experiences and interactions with others.
In other words, parents plant these seeds in early childhood about who we are and we buy right into them because we believe that our parents know more than us and are always right!
These negative beliefs enter our psyche or subconscious mind and then shape our perception of ourselves, others, and the world around us.
In Panel 3 of the Mind Map, clients discover their negative core beliefs with clarity but further than that, they are also guided to uncover the one which is uniquely their deepest, that is still running the show of their lives!
This is crucial to healing as when left unaddressed, negative core beliefs can undermine the health and success of our relationships in several ways:
1. Self-sabotage: Negative core beliefs often lead individuals to doubt their self-worth and feel unworthy of love, affection, or happiness.
This can manifest as self-sabotaging behaviours such as pushing away a partner who shows genuine care or affection. For example, if someone believes ‘I am unlovable’, they may create conflicts or distance themselves to validate their negative belief.
Or at work, if someone has a core belief that they are not deserving, they may subconsciously push themselves too hard to prove that they aredeserving and then end up burning out, resenting their job, taking time off due to illness and feeling undeserving of being paid!
2. Fear of vulnerability: Negative core beliefs can make it challenging to open up emotionally and be vulnerable with a partner. Beliefs such as “I am not good enough” or “I will be rejected if I show my true self” can lead individuals to build emotional walls, preventing them from forming deep connections. It becomes difficult to trust and fully engage in intimate relationships.
Furthermore, having had very unclear boundaries (or none) in childhood, often leads people to want to be close to a partner but also push away from them. The underlying belief is that ‘I am not safe’ with others.
An underlying negative core belief of ‘I am a burden’ or ‘I am a disappointment’ can foster a drive to always make oneself needed to validate one’s worth. This can attract those who are ‘takers’ or ‘vampires’ who naturally exacerbate those feelings of not being good enough and thus cause the person to fear being vulnerable about their feelings of inadequacy!
3. Excessive need for reassurance: Negative core beliefs often generate an insatiable need for reassurance and validation from others. Individuals may constantly seek affirmation from their partners to counteract their own feelings of inadequacy. This can place a burden on the relationship, as the partner may feel constantly pressured to provide reassurance and may themselves become exhausted over time.
This often spills over into seeking affirmation in other ways. For example, the belief of ‘I am unattractive’ may cause a desperate search externally to, on the one hand have validation that this is not true, but on the other hand to affirm that it is! This lack of self-esteem can be very disruptive to healthy relating as it causes resentment and jealousies to grow.
4. Emotional reactivity: Negative core beliefs can make individuals highly sensitive to perceived slights or criticism. They may interpret neutral or benign actions or statements as evidence that their negative beliefs are true. This can result in emotional reactivity, leading to arguments, misunderstandings, or an overall negative atmosphere in the relationship.
By believing that ‘I am not enough’, individuals are more likely to take things personally and be hypervigilant to the reactions of others that could suggest the same. There is a real tendency to ruminate over the words used/eye movements expressed by another and to believe that they are unhappy being with me.
5. Difficulty with intimacy and closeness: Negative core beliefs can hinder the development of intimacy and deep emotional connection in relationships. Individuals may struggle to fully trust their partners and let them in emotionally, fearing rejection or abandonment. This can lead to a sense of emotional distance and prevent the relationship from reaching its full potential.
The negative core belief of ‘I am a burden’ or ‘I am unlovable’ is the breeding ground for the manifestation of situations in life that will reflect back that belief to you. It is deeply connected to the fear of abandonment and of being alone and uncared for. It will often trigger the partner into rages/panic attacks/ shutting down/withdrawal.
When a person is sexually abused in childhood, they can hold the belief that they are not worth getting to know or ‘not interesting enough’ as a person. This can lead to a struggle to be able to open up and let someone in as they fear that they will be made to feel of little value again.
In conclusion therefor, we must remember that it is like we have been wearing a pair of glasses untilnow, with cracked lenses, as Dr Judy would suggest. By making a personal journey through the Mind Map System with a specialist therapist on the team, you will begin to see the whole world through a much more abundant and positive, clear vision,lens. The Mind Map will leave you healing from addictive patterns or defence mechanisms which are a direct result of your negative beliefs about yourself. The truth is however, those beliefs were in fact lies!
Addressing negative core beliefs is crucial for healthy relationship development. This often involves therapy or self-reflection to challenge and reframe these beliefs. Developing self-compassion, building self-esteem, and practicing open communication are essential steps toward creating more fulfilling and supportive relationships
Beck, A.T. (1989) Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. Harmondsworth, Middlesex: Penguin Books.
Bowlby, J. (1988) A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development, New York, Basic Books. Bretherton, I.
Kernberg, O.F. (2004) Borderline conditions and pathological narcissism. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.
Rosenberg, J. (2015) Be the cause: Healing human disconnect. United States: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
Christiana is a qualified psychotherapist in London, England. She has a particular interest in the effects of Narcissistic Parenting, Attachment and Co-dependency.