Narcissistic abuse is an all pervasive form of psychological and emotional bullying that often goes unnoticed. Unlike physical abuse, its scars are invisible but are just as/if not more damaging. In this blog, we’ll explore the signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse, shedding light on a topic that affects countless individuals around the world and is the reason that Dr Judy founded the Psychological Healing Centre in the first place.
When discerning narcissistic abuse, the best place to start is with HOW the other person makes you feel when you are with them. Do you notice a heightened emotional state or a slight tenseness around them? How does your body feel? Are you feeling on a high of excitement or are you feeling sucked dry/drained? Either of these feelings may indicate being in the presence of a narcissistic person.
Narcissists operate from behind a false self-image. For most of us, when meeting someone who presents a fake self or is being inauthentic, it is often easy to detect. Our intuition picks up on it and we do not feel at ease with them. It may feel like walking on eggshells, there may be a fear of saying anything that would offend their false self-image. There is a lack of depth to them and they are often very seductive at times too. Victims are drawn hypnotically into the love bomb – discard cycle often without being fully aware of it.
Narcissists have a public charisma or charm that provides the perfect cover for the jealousy and hatred that lies within them. This underlying resentment (their true nature) cannot remain hidden for long though and they will often prepare you in advance for this. They will tell you that they can get angry or hurtful in order to entrain you with the fear of this happening although, being in denial, many either choose to overlook these statements or to suppress them.
One of the earliest signs of narcissistic abuse is the cycle of idealization and devaluation. Narcissists initially shower their victims with attention, affection, and compliments, making them feel incredibly special, adored and loved. However, this is a very powerful manipulation tactic aimed at gaining control of the victims emotions. Over time, the narcissist devalues the victim, making them feel worthless, insignificant, and inadequate. This constant rollercoaster of emotions can be highly disorienting and emotionally exhausting. The victim finds themselves apologising for being a disappointment, trying to please and abandoning their own needs in order to maintain the relationship.
Gaslighting is another pervasive manipulation technique in narcissistic abuse. It involves the abuser distorting or denying the victim’s reality, making them doubt their own perception of events. Victims may find themselves constantly questioning their sanity and memory. Gaslighting can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and feelings of powerlessness. It can also cause a person to start criticising themselves and siding with the abuser. Even when the narcissist is not present, the victim them begins to imagine what they would think or feel about their actions/thoughts and adjust their choices accordingly.
Narcissists are experts at emotional manipulation. They use love, guilt, fear, anger, and sympathy to control their victims. This can be so confusing for victims. One moment they are loving and affectionate, the next they are rejecting and apathetic. They might employ tactics like the silent treatment or withdrawing affection, or threatening to leave, simply in order to maintain their dominance and emotional control.
Narcissists often isolate their victims from friends and family. This isolation serves to make the victim more dependent on the narcissist for emotional support and validation. Victims may find themselves distanced from their support networks, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and vulnerability.
Likewise, narcissistic abuse is rife with verbal and emotional cruelty. The abuser may insult, belittle, or criticize the victim repeatedly. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and depression. Emotional abuse can be just as destructive as physical abuse, but it often goes unnoticed because there are no visible wounds.
Narcissists often seek to control every aspect of their victim’s life. They might demand access to phone and email accounts, dictate how the victim dresses, or even control financial resources. This level of control can leave the victim feeling trapped and unable to make decisions for themselves.
Narcissists lack empathy for others. They are unable to understand or care about the feelings and needs of their victims. This lack of empathy can be profoundly hurtful, leaving the victim feeling as if their emotions are inconsequential. The narcissist believes that you are an object for their aggrandisement. You are there when they need you, but not to have needs yourself.
They must be the center of attention with everyone, and in every situation. This is most especially so in your life. They will demand you reach out more than they do. They will expect your devotion and expect you to make them the focus of your life! If you show any signs of not doing so, they will punish as a form of narcissistic rage.
Triangulation is another manipulative tactic where the narcissist involves a third party, often an ex-partner or the other parent or sibling, to create jealousy and insecurity in the victim. This tactic is used to maintain control and power over the victim.
Narcissistic abuse is a deeply insidious form of mistreatment that can have long-lasting, invisible scars. It is essential to recognize the signs and symptoms to protect yourself from the devastating effects of this type of abuse. If you suspect you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, please reach out for the support that you will need in recovering. Here at the Psychological Healing Center, there are various options which we can tailor make for you. We will help you heal and regain your sense of self-worth and autonomy by going straight to the cause of narcissistic relationships in your life.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is help available to break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse and begin the journey to recovery. Is it time for you to ‘be the cause’ of better outcomes for your life and the life of future generations?
Bowlby, J. (1988) A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development, New York, Basic Books. Bretherton, I.
Kernberg, O.F. (2004) Borderline conditions and pathological narcissism. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.
Rosenberg, J. (2015) Be the cause: Healing human disconnect. United States: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
Christiana is a qualified psychotherapist in London, England. She has a particular interest in the effects of Narcissistic Parenting, Attachment and Co-dependency.