The effects of narcissistic abuse on a child has deleterious effects way into adulthood and beyond into the next generation. As if having ONE narcissistic parent isn’t damaging enough, having two parents who lack empathy takes human disconnect to a whole new level.
The role of the mother is to nurture the child. If the child does not receive enough of the emotional nutrients that Dr. John Bowlby, father of Attachment Theory emphasizes, the child is off to a disconnected start. Those emotional nutrients include eye contact, skin contact, and attuning to the infant’s emotions by feeding, diapering, monitoring the environment, and soothing emotions. Along with mirroring or imitating the child’s gestures, expressions, sounds,and speech patterns,and attuning to the child’s needs, these preverbal unconscious forms of communication form the basis of creating connection and developing empathy.
The role of the father is to provide nurturance to the mother, and create a safe playful environment for the child. He is also Plan B–if mother isn’t emotionally available he can offer up that connection,
At the core of narcissism is a consciousness of apathy. Apathy is the ultimate form of human disconnect . Apathy from parents comes in many forms, and primarily shows up as a lack of deep care for the child. When a child is manipulated, controlled, used to be a parent’s emotional support system as examples, the child begins to “get the message” that they are NOT good enough, important, valuable, and lovable. These negative core beliefs then set the stage for extreme maladaptive behaviors such as people pleasing in order to attempt to receive love, or copying the narcissistic patterns and doing the same to others.
Many individuals can at least turn to one parent for support. In the DOUBLE DUNGEON case, the child has no one to turn to, not even himself since he is unformed emotionally. This creates what I refer to as the Hole in the Soul, a deep dark anxious and depressed place within that is yearning for love and connection, particularly the love and connection to Mother and Father.
To try to earn this love, they will emotionally contort themselves to fulfill their parent’s agenda and begin to serve the toxic tie. This people pleasing behavior can take the form of taking on hobbies, philosophies, and tasks that serve and please the parents and leave the child disconnected from the formation of a true authentic relationship to themselves. Oftentimes they will have a hollow sense of self wondering “who am I.”
This injury can create extreme people pleasing behaviors on the one hand, and or a copycat blueprint of narcissism. They can grow up to exhibit a lack of empathy and inability to form meaningful relationships beyond just using and objectifying others.
FROM A MIND MAP PERSPECTIVE
Emotional neglect and apathy leads to deep dark feelings of emptiness. The lack of parental empathy creates a desperate attempt to be loved. To try to gain the love of their parents they may develop people-pleasing defenses which eventually vampire out their energy, leaving them less fulfilled and more depleted emotionally, and physically. The toll it takes on the mind and body, and even the soul can create a downward spiral into depression and even suicide. The people-pleasing behavior is then recreated in other relationships.
In reaction to the wound of apathy, the individual can develop a narcissistic defense of apathy to protect their heart and disconnect from the source of pain—human connection. This leads them to a repeat cycle of narcissistic behaviors that they then act out on others such as their significant others and their children. The consciousness of apathy continues, perpetuating the cycle of narcissistic abuse upon the next generation.
They KEY to ending this repetitive What The Freud! cycle is to reprocess the painful emotions created by the Double Dungeon Effect of apathetic parents. By doing so via the Mind Map System, you heal your own wounds step by step and Be The Cause of better outcomes for YOUR life and the lives of the next generation.
