“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could be better changed in ourselves.” – C. G. Jung

I write this post, today, 10/10/2020 on National Mental Health Day.  Mental health begins in the attachment bond between infant and primary caregiver, whom is usually the mother.  This is the tender place where a foundation is created that will either fortify or crumble the individual’s compensation mechanisms under life’s stressful circumstances.  Within the integrity of this attachment bond lays the templates for all future relationships, including romantic, friendships, parental, business, and even the relationship that one has with themself.  The health of this bond, whether positive or negative, will affect learning, physical health, mental and emotional health, and overall quality of life and well being.  So, many moments accumulate within the building of this bond.  It is a bond that is created over time in a serve and return format.  The baby communicates a need and the parent should respond in a sensitive and attuned manner, in a relatively timely manner, and consistent over time.  Consistency in response creates a feeling of trust and predictability.  The child learns that its needs will be met and the world is a safe place.  It includes moments of looking into the baby’s eyes, skin to skin contact through touch and holding, showing up and being present with the baby, the tone of voice in our conversations with them, the feel of the parent’s hands around the baby either loving and tender or tense and abrasive, the speed with which we pick them up, and the overall energy with which we bring to the metaphoric table.  Babies first feel who their parents are when getting to know them.  They are decoding non verbal communications in facial expressions, tone of voice, and quality of being handled or embraced.  As parents, we cannot hide what is underneath the façade in our interactions with the baby.  The baby can sense how we may truly be feeling about our interactions with them.  Underlying emotions and interpretations of our interactions with our baby can bleed into the attachment bond, specifically if the parent suffered childhood trauma or emotional neglect or if the parent experienced a secure and healthy attachment bond.  The way we were parented affects how we parent.  It is passed down through the generations, whether positive or negative.  

It is of critical importance to process and integrate events and emotions that were experienced in our own childhoods, if we are to give our children the best chance that they deserve for a good life.  A secure attachment bond is correlated to positive social interactions, good attention span for academics, better physical health, and a decrease in anxiety and depression through the lifespan of the child.

This is where the Mind Map program is so impactful.  The Mind Map created by Dr. Judy provides the parent with a microscope and an opportunity to therapeutically dialogue and dissect what needs to be uncovered and illuminated in their history, so as to lighten the weight of trauma and abuse that is passed along to the next generation.  The beauty of doing this self reflective and introspective work is that it is a gift for the parent, the child, and generations to come.  The dysfunctional patterns will be shed and awareness of a better way will provide the child with an opportunity for a healthy and secure attachment bond.  According to Dr. Stephen Porges, trauma is “a chronic disruption of connectedness.”  Trauma can be something as overt as physical, sexual, and/or verbal abuse or as insidious as emotional neglect/invalidation or manipulation.  In all of the abuses mentioned above, there is a severing of connection that needs to be repaired.  It takes a strong, enlightened warrior to decide that the intergenerational trauma will stop with them, but it is so worth it.  The Mind Map is a very easy-to-use and powerful tool for illustrating how the wounds of childhood were encoded and manifested into present day symptoms and chaos. The Mind Map is a SYSTEM for Healing Human Disconnect®. The cause of inorganic psychopathology. (excerpt taken from The Psychological Healing Center website).  It is our duty as a parent to clear the channel for interactions with our children.  It should be a modeling of the behavior that we expect from our children and not an outdated and lazy “do as I say, not as I do”, philosophy of child rearing.  The well of toxic shame springs from the trauma experienced in childhood.  Narcissism and other maladaptive coping mechanisms such as projection and splitting are post traumatic responses to abuse and neglect in childhood.  Narcissism and narcissistic traits, as well as anxiety and depression are on the rise and it is expected that a wave of mental health disorders will reveal itself post pandemic shutdown.  Be the change you wish to see in the world.  Look within and heal the dark recesses of your spirit.  Do it for your child, for the human race, for yourself.  

“Raising secure, emotionally competent, cooperative children who have free access to their creativity and expression is desperately needed for the health of the human race and the health of the planet.  Raising secure children matters.”

Excerpt from The Attachment Connection by Ruth Newton, Ph.D.

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Check out my blogs on https://brightstartkid.com/blog/          

Dr. Judy